Now that you have survived Valentine's Day, I hope it went well and you feel rejuvenated in your relationship, with positive memories and good feelings to reflect on. 







Even if everything didn't go as perfectly as you might have hoped, I encourage you to reflect on the the things you love and appreciate about this relationship. I wanted to give you a few exercises to help practice this attitude, so that you and your partner can understand each other better. 

We all want to feel like our partner "gets" us. That they love and appreciate us. Here's the exercise...

First:
1. Turn off all media, get rid of distractions
2. Completing the exercise over a meal is fine

Topics:
1. One of the things I appreciate most about you is...
2. How can I show you more support and encouragement in the way you like?
3. When do you feel most appreciated?
4. What do you like best about our life together?
5. How can I help you feel more happy?
6. Are you worried or anxious about anything you would like to share?
7. Are you angry about anything right now?
8. I trust you most when __________________.
9. I feel great about us when ______________________.
10. I love you best when...
11. What is your idea of romance? 
12. What is your idea of a good relationship?
13. I feel most attracted to you when...
14. Tell me about your fantasies and desires.

As you and your partner are listening to each other talk about these topics, notice it's focused on what we like, what we are wanting to create more of, and setting aside everything that's 'wrong' for the moment. 

I hope you'll keep it light and positive. Practice the listening responses I talked about in the other blogs. If it starts to devolve into a fight, or you don't feel like bothering... we can help.  It's worth the effort to try to make things better. 

by Cynthia M. Braden, MFT

You may say to yourself...
 "The title of this post is annoying already!"

"Why should I have to appreciate him if he is barely doing what he should be doing!" Or worse he's uncooperative and stubborn, avoidant or even cheating. Or you feel like you're doing all the work, or nothing is working. 

Here's the thing we have to understand as women. We really are wired differently than our man. He needs different things to be happy than we do. He wants to please you. Obviously you know when a man feels in love, he will do anything to please us. 

As we move through the holiday season, people are often stressed out and hurting. What's missing in life may come into sharper focus at this time of year. A common struggle is  that 'shoulds' may not have been fulfilled. For example, "I 'should' have a certain career, or be married, or 'should not' be divorced! I 'should' have this or that celebration, or the perfect family!'

If you know you’re prone to the holiday blues, realize you’re not alone and that there are steps you can take to help you feel more in control and even thrive during these celebrations.

by Cynthia M. Braden, MFT